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wtf is this

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Save me from online dating.

 

This site is intended to aide me in the search for Mr. Right. I’m too old to apply for the Bachelor, and I can’t find Bill Murray.

You can read all about me, and if you think we would hit it off, you can fill out the application. 75% of you will quickly decide that it’s not a good idea. For 99% of you, it’s really not.

Now that I have your attention, you’re probably wondering if this is real, or a tactic to gather your personal data, then steal your identity. Luckily I dropped Web Basics 101 before we dove into black hacking. Apparently I also missed web design.

Dating apps are the pits. Are you overly competitive about “everything” ? Can I find you by the Dogs at the party? Did you leave the entire bio section completely blank and only have group photos? Great! Can’t wait to match…never speak… message you one night when I’m bored…go out…get drunk…makeout… fall off the face of the earth…see you got back with your ex…drunk text me 6 weeks later when you break up again…never respond…then have you stalk my social media accounts for the next 7 years.

So yes, this is real. Let’s see what happens.