things you should know
things I’m bad at.
Driving, directions, parking, scootering, okay really anything where I have control of a vehicle.
Creating engaging websites. Clearly I don’t do this for a living.
Remembering where all my bruises came from.
Remembering why I went into a room.
Figuring out online clothing sizes.
Decoding text messages.
Always expressing myself in calm, logical, and rational ways.
things I’m good at.
Calling out people that cut lines.
Embarrassing my friends and family.
Blocking numbers after sending novel drunk texts. I also erase them and pretend they never happened.
Frankly, blocking numbers for the slightest bit of annoyance.
Avoiding people I kind of know in public places.
Online dating openers.
Video games created prior to 1994.
Speaking with conviction about something I know nothing about.
Admitting I made a mistake when we fight. Jk. Seeing if you were still paying attention.
Pretending to be normal.
Impressing your parents (see above.)