things you should know

 things I’m bad at.

  • Driving, directions, parking, scootering, okay really anything where I have control of a vehicle.

  • Creating engaging websites. Clearly I don’t do this for a living.

  • Remembering where all my bruises came from.

  • Saving money.

  • Spending money.

  • Remembering why I went into a room.

  • Figuring out online clothing sizes.

  • Patience.

  • Decoding text messages.

  • Making returns.

  • Always expressing myself in calm, logical, and rational ways.

things I’m good at.

  • Calling out people that cut lines.

  • Embarrassing my friends and family.

  •  Blocking numbers after sending novel drunk texts. I also erase them and pretend they never happened.

  • Frankly, blocking numbers for the slightest bit of annoyance.

  • Avoiding people I kind of know in public places.

  • Online dating openers.

  • Video games created prior to 1994.

  • Speaking with conviction about something I know nothing about.

  • Admitting I made a mistake when we fight. Jk. Seeing if you were still paying attention.

  • Irish goodbye’s.

  • Pretending to be normal.

  • Impressing your parents (see above.)